We're Adopting!

We’re Adopting! (an embryo)

Psalm 127 says that “children are a GIFT from the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward.”

This verse has recently become woven into Matthew and I’s life story, but in a way we could never have imagined for ourselves.

The first part of the verse describes each and every child as a gift from the Lord. Although you are probably familiar with this verse, it has taken on new meaning for our family. It states that children are a blessing from God, but not that they are promised to us.

This has been one of the hardest things about infertility for me. When we first began this journey, as a woman, I almost felt as if a child was “owed” to me. Women are supposed to be able to bear children if they want to, right? We have the organs, we have the hormones, and somewhere inside of us, we have the need to nurture and watch something grow (unless it concerns plants, in which case…I’m out.) So when my body suddenly become unable to do what I personally felt like I deserved and was made for, God decided to humble me very quickly.

After 3 years of waiting, praying, and reflecting, God has stamped this beautiful truth upon my heart…I am not owed, nor do I deserve my salvation, much less a child.

I have not been given anything because I am worthy of it. It is ONLY because of His infinite wisdom and loving kindness that Jesus chose to freely give it to me. I have been given the most wonderful husband, an amazingly supportive family, and the best friends and church I could ask for. All of which the Lord chose to give me, because when He looks at me, He sees someone worthy. Because of the sacrifice He gave, He sees Christ in my place, an unblemished lamb in need of a shepherd.

So for Matthew and I, becoming parents has stopped becoming about what we will receive when we have a child, but solely about what we can GIVE. In the face of the reality that we may never have children of our own, the Lord has taught me that while children will be a great blessing and perfect gift, they will never complete me. Only Jesus can do that.

So when we do have children, we will provide them for everything they need...clothes, shelter, food, family…but more importantly, we will teach them about the greatest gift we have received, our relationship with Jesus, and hope that in return, they will give that gift to others. To that point, we strongly feel that in order to give a child that gift, we do not have to be biologically related to them.

Now on to the exciting news…We are Adopting….an Embryo!

Bear with me while I try to explain what that means. If you have ever heard of In Vitro Fertilization (see our first post for more information), then you are more familiar with embryo adoption than you might realize. As some of you know, Matthew and I have been through this IVF process twice. While we did get pregnant on our second try, we had a miscarriage and decided to take some time off before we decided where the Lord was leading us.

To hopefully help all this make more sense, let me tell you briefly about how IVf works. During IVF, a woman’s eggs are fertilized in a lab by her partner’s (or a donor’s) sperm. The eggs that are successfully fertilized and develop properly are then placed back into the woman’s uterus at a time in her cycle that things would naturally happen, and are considered embryos (meaning they are on their way to becoming babies). If there are more embryos fertilized than needed to have a child, the excess embryos can be frozen, until a couple decides to use them to have more children in the future. Once a couple has completed their family, they can either keep the embryos frozen, discard them, or donate them to a couple who cannot conceive on their own.

Essentially, Matthew and I are adopting an embryo (which is basically a baby at its very, very early stages-less than a week old) that was created by another couple who has decided they no longer need the embryos, but does not want to discard of them.

So in very simple terms…we are adopting a child, but I will get to carry that child in my womb.

I know that may seem very confusing and new, but we are in good company and in good hands. We are adopting through the National Embryo Donation Center in Knoxville, TN, (https://www.embryodonation.org/) and they are amazing. We are going through the same process that people who choose to adopt domestically go through, in that we have had to complete a home study, go through training, and will go through a “matching” process to choose our embryos. We will get to choose the donors to some extent and will hopefully match with people that look similar to Matthew and I. One great thing about the NEDC is that they are a faith-based organization, meaning that while they work with couples of all shapes and sizes, their underlying principles and beliefs are aligned with ours.

We completely understand that for some, this may be a lot to process and you will probably have a lot of questions. And we are totally okay with that! It has taken us 3 years to accept that our journey to becoming parents will definitely not look like anyone else’s, and we are completely in awe of the way God has provided for us at every turn. We don’t know what our timeline will look like yet, but we are in the last steps of finishing our home study with the Agape Adoption Agency (https://www.agapeforchildren.org/) in Birmingham, who have made this process so easy! Working with Agape has been such a blessing, and we look forward to working with them in the future, should we choose to domestically adopt.

With all that said, we are humbly asking for prayers. We are completely aware that adoption alone is a wonderful, but sometimes bumpy journey. So we do not expect this process to be without its ups and downs. But can I just tell you, we are completely humbled by the fact that somewhere out there, God has a child that is waiting for us, and a couple who decided to bestow their greatest gift to us. We definitely do not have all of the answers. But one thing that we are certain of is that God has always been and will continue to be in control of our story. Wherever He leads us, we will follow. Even if there is not a child at the end of that road.

Please do not hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or are curious about the process as a whole! The NEDC’s website has several videos and pages that may help explain some things, but we are always open to talking about what led us to this point and where we go from here.

Thank you all for standing beside us, and sometimes carrying us, through the past 3 years. We are surrounded by grace and strength that is not our own. It comes from those of you that have prayed and encouraged us, and we will never be able to say thank you enough.